Lord, I'm Tired

I'm a pretty emotional dude. When I was preaching and leading worship in the institutional church, rarely would a Sunday go by when I wouldn't find myself choked up by the emotion of the moment. Certain stories or songs or situations would hit me in the gut and I would lose the ability to speak or sing, overcome by emotion. It kind of became what I was known for.

Over the years, the songs that choke me up have changed. I remember a season when my good friends Mark and Connie White were having lots of problems with their children's inability to have children. During that time, "Blessed Be Your Name" was an impossibility for me to sing, especially when they were in the sanctuary. "You give and take away" became a series of sobs and silences. When my life blew up in the summer of 2004, I couldn't get through "Everything" by Lifehouse. Literally cried my way through a special music at church. "Victory in Jesus" was one of mom's faves, and my dad and I both struggled through that chorus at mom's funeral. I inherited my vocal volume from my father, and it must have been quite and auditory spectacle (is that even possible?!) for the people on stage at mom's funeral. Here dad and I were, sitting in the front row belting out this great hymn; then, at the same time, we got choked up and unable to sing, and the decibel level had to drop by about half!

The flip-side of that type of emotion was also a characteristic of my worship leading. I could laugh and rejoice and celebrate with the best of them during worship. Give me a set with the right David Crowder songs, and I would be having the time of my life, with or without you. "Undignfied." "No One Like You." "Wholly Yours." We had so much fun with those tunes.

But there is one old school Crowder song that I have never been able to lead corporately because, every time I try to sing it, I get overwhelmed with the imagery of a God who never leaves or forsakes that I become a blubbering mess. And since it is such an obscure Crowder song, I'm usually the only one who knows it. Which makes it hard for people to sing. I'm listening to it now on Amazon Prime and the lyrics are, again, taking over my emotions. The song is the title track from their under-appreciated "All I Can Say" album. If you haven't heard it before, it's worth a listen. Here's a YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5L97ygGwok. And here are the lyrics of angst, abandonment, and hope:

Lord, I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord, I'm so alone
And Lord, the dark is creeping in, creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
And rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
That's my everything

Oh, did you see me crying?
Oh, and didn't you hear me call your name?
Wasn't it you I gave my heart to?
I wish you'd remember where you set it down

And this is all
This is all that I can say right now
I know it's not much
But this is all that I can give
Yeah, that's my everything
This is all that I can say right now, right now
I know it's not much
But this is all that I can give
Yeah, that's my everything

I didn't notice you were standing here

I didn't know that that was you holding me

I didn't notice you were crying too

I didn't know that that was you washing my feet

And this is all

This is all that I can say right now
Oh, I know it's not much
But this is all that I can give
Yeah, That's my everything
This is all that I can say right now, right now
I know it's not much
But this is all that I can give
Yeah, that's my everything

This is all that I can say right now
Oh, I know it's not much
But this is all that I can give
And that's my everything
Yeah, that's my everything
Yeah, that's my everything
Everything

Find the hope in the midst of the darkness. He. Is. There.
Blessings.

Athletics, Workouts, and the Like

Athletics have always played a big role in my life. I grew up in a small town (pop. 450), so sports participation was required of most every student, whether we liked it or not. And I liked it. So I played baseball and basketball for four years of junior high (grades 5-8 were considered junior high) and for four years in high school. I even continued into college, playing two years of baseball and four years of basketball at Lincoln Christian College.

Even into my adult life, athletics played a role. I loved the faculty vs. camper softball or basketball game at camp. I remember one year that we lost the softball game. I was hitting and the little 9th grade girl that was pitching kept getting closer and closer to the plate on every pitch. I should have known better, but on like pitch 4 I laid into one. And I crushed it! It was still on the way up when it smacked the pitcher in the head! (She was ok, and I only got a single out of it, got stranded on 2nd base, and we ended up losing by one run. If her head hadn't gotten in the way, I'm convinced we would have won!) I always enjoyed church league softball. Where else do grown, mature Christians make such asses of themselves? But the camaraderie was always the best part of sports. To this day, most of my best friends from college were somehow tied to the baseball or basketball team.

But as I have gotten older, there has been less time for physical activity. I'm busy coaching girls softball teams and girls basketball teams with my daughters. And I just don't have (make?) the time to go to the gym. Besides, I wouldn't know what I was doing at Planet Fitness.

About a year ago, I "met" Tony Horton. Tony is the guy behind P90X and P90X3, two of the programs that have revolutionized home fitness. I looked at myself (as I approached 40) and realized that I needed to do something, so I borrowed P90X from a friend and gave it a try. I enjoyed the diversity of the workouts, but most of them were still too long (60-90 minutes each) to fit into my schedule. But when I heard about his P90X3 video series (every workout lasts 30 minutes), I knew I would have a better chance of making that work. So I bought the DVD set and am working through it as a part of my 2016 goals.

Tony is a great fitness instructor for me. He is uber-competitive (especially when it comes to pull ups) and he's kind of an arrogant jerk. But right when I think his conceit is too much, he drops in an encouraging statement that keeps me going for that last 5 minutes. He is witty and self-effacing, but you can tell that he believes in his program and that it has worked wonders for his fitness. He is a great video coach for me! I'm not sure I would like him as much in person, because I'm pretty sure he would point out just how horrible I am at most of the exercises.

My goal is to make it through the 90 days of P90X3 and then reevaluate what I need to do next. I am terrible at most of the exercises, hate all of the exercises, and am so glad to be challenged every day by Tony Horton.

And I'll ask you, reader. Do you have someone like Tony Horton in your life? It doesn't have to be fitness-related. But do you have someone who is an expert in something that you want to get better at who is challenging you to be better? Do you have someone who doesn't particularly care what you think about them because they see something in you that needs to be brought out? I mean, I never knew what yoga WAS until P90X, and it is now my favorite exercise of the bunch. I am learning and growing and becoming a better me because of someone who I would probably otherwise never hang out with. I think all of us need at least one person like that. Probably more than one.

Some Goals for 2016

At the end of 2015, I had the privilege of sitting through the funeral of a friend. In my line of work, funerals are a part of the package, but this was for a friend who was not on our hospice. His wife was one of my co-workers for almost ten years, so I got to know Don through that. However, I came to realize that I really didn't know Don at all. About ten years before I met him, he had a stroke that forever altered who he was. The Don that I knew was only a shadow of the man that was remembered that day.

That remembrance got me thinking. (All funerals should be an opportunity for reflection, after all.) Don had his stroke at age 60. For me, that's only 19 years down the road. If something were to happen to me in 20 years (or less), what would I look back and remember of my life? Lots of time at the office? Lots of saying "no" to my kids in order to work for that elusive financial security? Lots of late nights worrying and long days working?

As I have grown older, New Year's Day has become my favorite holiday. As I continue to work out my faith, I become more and more convinced that my "dominant image" of Jesus is the Redeemer, the one who makes all things new. A new year is a natural time for new things to happen and for old things to pass away. And rather than make resolutions, I choose to make goals -- tangible, measurable, achievable goals. (One goal for 2016 is to blog weekly. So far, so good.) This year includes some REALLY seismic goals, so I've been told that the best way to achieve them is to proclaim them and then allow your community to hold you to them. Over the coming weeks in this blog, I will lay out some of those goals. This first one is a biggie, so I thought I would devote my first blog of 2016 to it.

I woke up a few weeks ago and realized that I have four more years with my oldest daughter under my roof. Six years left with the 12-year-old. And the family dynamics of four children in a blended family have proven challenging, especially since I have four active kids in four different schools. So a change is in the works.

Before I lay those out, please know that I love the company I work for, Accolade Hospice, I love the people I work with and for, I love hospice work. I hope to continue my partnership with Accolade long into the future. I have learned so much about life by being around people with terminal diagnoses and the people that care for them. When I left the "church system" four years ago (THAT will be a topic for another blog), I wasn't sure that I could provide for my family outside of that system. The last four years have proven that I absolutely can.

They've also shown me that, when it comes to vocation, I am a little ADD. I have done the hospice thing and the t-shirt thing. I've done some book buying and selling. I've done some worship leading and some preaching. And I have enjoyed aspects of everything that I have done. But the one piece that I'm not really wired for is a 9-to-5, M-F office job. I can make it work when I have to, but it is not my preference. (I'm also not a big fan of business casual, but that's not a surprise to anyone reading this.)

So, there are some changes coming down the pike. Accolade is a very generous company and I am glad to be a part of that team. But I am looking at hopefully transitioning to a different role, which will require that I replace some income somehow. One of the arms of this plan has to do with my t-shirt job with Yahwear (www.facebook.com/yahwear). My hope is that, by pouring more time into marketing and customer relations, I can bring in a good chunk more business for that company. If you need custom t-shirts, polo shirts, promo items, etc., shoot me an email (dave@yahwear.net) and I'll take care of you!

The second arm of the plan is a network marketing gig. I sat down with an old friend to talk about the pros and cons of network marketing, and she convinced me that I could be successful at it. And she signed me up to work with her. I am officially a distributor for It Works! Now, I am still learning the company and the products, but I am excited about the possibilities! More than anything, I am hoping that this frees Wendy and me up to spend more quality time with our (soon-to-be-grown) kids and to spend more quality time together.

Over the course of the next few months (and beyond) you'll see a lot of posts (FB, Instagram, Twitter) from me trying to grow that business. I'll be looking for two types of people -- people that want to try some new products and give me some testimonies to be able to tell (Wendy and I can't use ALL the products) and people who want to jump on board with me and achieve some dreams and goals that go along with a successful It Works! business. My aforementioned friend moved from owning a brick-and-mortar business to just doing It Works! within a year of starting, so it can be done. It's going to require a lot of effort, but I think we can get there. My goal is to transition at Accolade by May of this year, so I have to get after it.

I never would have imagined this path for myself -- network marketing, It Works!, hospice -- none of it. But I am excited about what the future holds. If you are at all interested in what I'm up to, drop me an email (dave@raintreepm.org or dave@yahwear.org). If you're curious about It Works! and interested in knowing more, check out our product line at my website: http://davedrake.myitworks.com/ If you're up for a cup of coffee to catch up, I'm down with that, too. You can call or text me at 806-773-8413.

2016 is shaping up to be a fun year. I'll tell you more about it next time!